Social Isolation

Hello, everyone. This post is long overdue. How are you dealing with this Social Distancing? This is a very difficult time for all of us and I felt like I needed to share how I am feeling and let you all know you aren’t alone.  

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, I live alone. From a distancing perspective, this makes it easier for me to isolate to stay healthy. However, it also has a lonely effect on me from a lack of social interaction. I am a people person, for the most part, and social media helps in that way, but to be honest, it doesn’t replace personal face to face interaction. Recently, I was going stir crazy from not going anywhere and not having any face to face interaction. I started to get depressed over this, so I went grocery shopping for food yes, but mostly for some face to face interaction. It felt good to get out and see other human beings and to just be able to say hi to someone else in person.

Some people with disabilities are not able to get out to see other people, even on a limited basis. Having no personal contact can take a toll on anyone mental and emotionally. It’s important for these people to reach out to family and friends and let them know how they are feeling, or to have people reach out to them, to let them to see how the disabled person is doing.

Because of our current situation as a nation, it is recommended that we self- isolate, but please, stay in contact with friends and relatives whether they are disabled or not. Some people with disabilities might not be able to reach out for help on their own, so if we keep in touch with these people through social media or simply the telephone this will help them to know that they are not alone. This will allow the disable person to express how they are feeling and be able to ask for help. It’s also okay for the person calling them to ask if the disabled person is okay because the person might feel like a burden for asking. PLEASE look out for each other. It’s important more now than ever.

I would love it if you would share how you are feeling, what you are doing to keep busy, and any tips you have for getting through this. You never know, your tips might just be what someone else needs to get through this trying time.

Someone Like ME

When you are a disabled kid living in a small town, the chances of seeing someone else with a disability is rare. The only time I saw someone like me was when I went to the hospital for therapy or doctor’s appointments. This was both an advantage and a disadvantage.

By not being around others with a disability, I really didn’t notice I was different. I was occasionally teased, but generally, I was accepted by my peers and included in their activities. However, there were times when I did feel left out, like when they would go for a bike ride and I couldn’t go because I didn’t know how to ride a bike. I did learn how to ride a bike later, thanks to neighbor friends teaching me. This made my father cry because he always wanted me to be able to ride a bike. My father tried to teach me a few times, but I got frustrated and gave up.

 It wasn’t until I got into high school that I saw someone else with a disability. He and I both had Spina Bifida and were both able to walk. We didn’t have any classes together, but we would say hi if we passed each other in the hallway.

It really wasn’t until I was an adult that I was around more disabled people. After graduating from high school, I worked at a school for multiply handicapped children (that was the terminology at the time) and I also worked at a local Arc (formerly A.R.C.- Association for Retarded Citizens) over the summers. While working at the school, I became friends with a co-worker who was deaf. We would hang out occasionally after work or on the weekends. After he left the school, I didn’t really hang out with anyone with a disability.

 Years later, I ran into someone else with Spina Bifida. We knew of each other because my parents had counseled her parents when she little, but we never really had the opportunity to get together.

After reconnecting, we would talk on FB and began to become good friends. Once in a while, I’d go over to her house to visit. In the beginning, when I would go over to her house, I felt very uncomfortable. I had never been around someone in a wheelchair and wasn’t sure how I should act around her. Should I open doors for her? Should I push her? What do we talk about?

After visiting a few times, I confessed I had felt uncomfortable around her because of the wheelchair. She told me I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable around her. She said if she needed help with something, she would ask, but other than that, she would prefer to do what she could on her own. 

I have read things on FB and watched videos on YouTube where disabled people are trying to find a place where they belong. Some have birth defects and other have become disabled later in life due to accidents or injuries. For people like me, who live in the middle of nowhere, social media has opened up the world to us. It helps us to be able to talk to other people with a disability, especially the same one we have. Being able to talk to someone who has the same issues allows us to de-stress or vent to someone who gets it.

We all just want to fit in no matter our circumstances. However, there are certain things that only someone else with a disability will understand. Thanks to social media, it is much easier to talk to others about common issues.

Have any of you ever felt left out due to your circumstances? Please feel free to share your experiences and tell us how you dealt with it.

           

My Fear Of Public Speaking

Although this is not technically a disability, it can be very paralyzing for some people. What am I talking about? Public speaking, which I have heard is the #1 fear people have. It is feared even more than death! I can believe that. I have always had a confidence issue and public speaking is very hard for me. Thankfully, it is rare that I have to do it, but when I do, I get extremely nervous. I stutter and stammer, do a lot of and um-ing and ah-ing to the point where I lose my train of thought and sometimes freeze. The same thing has happened in the past when I have sung in church.

Recently, I was asked to give a presentation on some of my interests by the director of our local Office on Aging and Disabilities, for their Disability Awareness Day. Although I was apprehensive about doing it, I decided to push myself out of my comfort zone and said yes. Now it is a matter of organizing my thoughts and developing them into a cohesive manner.

I was talking to a friend of mine about this, and she suggested that I look into an international organization called Toastmasters. This organization brings people from different walks of life together and helps them develop and or improve their public speaking skills. This is done by members/participants listening to each other’s speeches on a variety of subjects. At the end of the meeting, constructive criticism is given by selected members to allow people to get information on what they need to work on to improve their communication skills.

I enjoyed attending the meeting last night. Everyone was very welcoming to me, cordial to each other during their speeches and were respectful toward each other during the critiquing part of the meeting. I look forward to attending more of these meetings to work on improving my public speaking and communication skills to help me be more at ease when it comes to interacting with people. I will add more posts on this subject as I go through this process. Has anyone else done any public speaking? How did it go? Can you share any tips with us?

Social Discrimination

 U.S. Government and Social Media

Wow. I just read an article on Facebook by the site The Mighty, a site to inform and empower those of us with disabilities. The article I read stated that the government now wants to look at our social media pages as a way to determine whether we are “disabled enough”. This is horrifying.

As I read this article, I began to think about what I post on social media. I post pictures of myself taking part in races with my handcycle. I love using my handcycle. It keeps me physically and socially active. It also gives me a sense of accomplishment and pride, which everyone likes to feel. Am I going to have to stop posting these pictures for fear of losing my disability benefits?

I agree that the government needs to monitor who gets Social Security Disability, but as a person with a disability, I find this proposal very invasive. Just because we are disabled doesn’t mean we have to stop living. By looking at my social media page, it looks like I am quite active and have fun, which is true. However, what my social media page does NOT show is now badly I hurt after physically exerting myself. The reason I do this to myself is to keep myself active in all ways so that I don’t become completely isolated from the world around me.

A couple years ago, I was sent several packets of questions by Social Security asking me question about my functionality. One of the questions wanted me to explain what I do from the time I get up to the time I go to bed! This varies from day to do depending on how I feel and what I have planned for that day, (just like everyone else.} What this question didn’t take into consideration was whether I woke up hurting, whether I might be nursing a pressure wound from simply walking too much one day or the fact that I am mentally drained from someone having to explain something to me yet again because of my learning disability.

I have talked to and become friends with people on Facebook who have similar disabilities to mine, and others who have disabilities different from mine. We all have different abilities and disabilities. This applies to non-disabled people as well. Don’t judge us on what you see on our social media pages. Get to know us and what we go through on a day to day basis before you judge what we are and are not capable of.

As for me, I am only able to stand for about 20 minutes, while hanging on to something, because my balance is off and my muscles start to ache. If I overdo it, my back KILLS ME by the time I am able to sit and relax. This pain can last anywhere from a half an hour to days depending on how much I over exerted myself. Being on disability enables me to do what I need to do and have the ability to take care of myself.

Judging people on the basis of what they see on social media is discriminatory. Not all disabilities are visible and should not be judged as such.

Has anyone else heard about this? Have you experienced this kind of thing yet? Let’s share any information we come across on this subject so we can fight this discrimination!

This is a blatant form of discrimination and it needs to be addressed. I would like to encourage everyone, including individuals with disabilities, their caregivers, even their case workers to contact your state and/or federal government representative to voice your concerns on this subject. Below you will find a link to the article I got my information from and also a link to find your states representatives.

Elected Officials

Let Me Fail

As we grow, we learn to do new things. Sometimes we get it right the first time. Sometimes we don’t, and that’s okay. Failure is all part of learning. Learning can be especially difficult for some individuals with a disability. However, being disabled does not mean we are incapable of learning, we just need a little more time and patience. Slowing down and explaining things to someone with a disability will help them understand and retain the information and process it better. It has been proven that everybody learns in different ways. Some are visual learners, some are auditory learners, and some are more hands on, or a combination of these.

A FB friend of mine had gotten a cubical shelving unit for his bedroom that needed some assembly. He had wanted to put it together himself by looking at the directions carefully. At one point, his father came into the room and saw that he was having some difficulty. Instead of coming in and offering some help, his father basically said, move out of the way and he went ahead and put it together instead of taking the time to show my friend the right way to do it and working on it together. This left my friend feeling “broken” like he wasn’t smart enough or good enough.

When I was taking the LAST course to finally get my associates degree, I had major difficulties because it was a math class, which has always been my worst subject. I went to tutoring, I met with the professor before and after class, I consulted with the Disabilities Coordinator at the college, all to try to get through this class. I would complain to anyone who would listen.

One day, when in college, I was supposed to take a test. My anxiety level was through the roof! I got to class early that morning, so I could do some last - minute studying. Soon after I got in the room, the professor came in. He could see I was upset and asked what was wrong. I began to cry as I told him about how stressed I was over the class. He asked me if he could tell me something. I said yes. I figured he was going to say what everyone else has told me, that I needed to just try harder etc, etc. Instead, he told me that he admired me. He said, “Here you are, in your 40’s with a disability, still trying to get your degree and have not giving up.” “I commend you for that.” This meant the world to me. He reassured me that I WAS in fact passing the course and that I would be getting my degree.

Having someone take their time to help us learn something new means everything.  It helps us to learn new things number one, but it also helps to boost our confidence and sense of pride. This can be invaluable to someone who has difficulty learning, so please, be patient with those of us who struggle to learn, it means the world to us.

I would like to encourage anyone who would like to, to share their own similar experiences, so we can all learn how to handle this sometimes, touchy subject.

                         

Put Down Your Rock! - Re-post

I first posted this to my blog back on December 1, 2015. I had SO many people tell me how much it helped them I was overwhelmed. I would like to share it again for those who may need some encouragement. I hope you all enjoy it and possibly find peace in something you may be struggling with.

Thank you.

As we go through life, regardless of whether we are disabled or not, sometimes things happen that bother us. It could be something someone said to us, the way someone acted toward us, or maybe it was the way someone made us feel.  These things can have a negative effect on us which can be physical, mental or emotional.

 I am pretty good about letting things go and moving on. However, there have been a few things that have bothered me and I just couldn’t let them go no matter how hard I tried. Every time I saw a certain person, or if I am in a similar situation where the incident occurred, it brought back memories of a not so nice time or event in my life.

 A few years ago, I took a very interesting class. One day our teacher asked us to bring in a rock with us to our next class, but wouldn’t tell us why.

The next day, although I was somewhat confused and yet intrigued as to why we needed these rocks for class, I went out in my yard in search of a rock. I found one. It had light, medium and dark gray lines through it. It was somewhat pyramid in shape. It fit in my fisted hand. I liked it.

At the beginning of class the next day, our teacher told us about an experience she had when she attended a Native American ceremony.  The leader of the ceremony asked everyone in attendance to find a rock just as she had asked us to do. Once they had their rocks, they were asked to think of something, someone or an experience they had a hard time dealing with. At the end of the ceremony, the participants were asked to place their rocks in a pile as a symbolic way of leaving their issue behind.  Our teacher wanted us to do the same thing.

 Although I didn’t want to confront this issue, I thought this was a really cool idea and I really got into it. I slept with my rock right next to my pillow so I would see it as soon as I woke up and kept it in my pants pocket during the day so I would feel it pressing against my leg to serve as a constant reminder of the issue I was letting bothering me so badly.

 During the week, I thought a lot about the issue and I tried to analyze why I was letting it bother me so much, how it was effecting my life, and what I could do to handle it better. Being reminded of the issue by the rock constantly pressing against my leg, I was able to realize that the issue really wasn’t that big of a deal. I needed to put down the “rock” and move on. It wasn’t worth it. Once I came to this realization, a huge weight was lifted off of me.

Sometimes the “rocks” that we carry with us feel more like boulders and letting go isn’t as simple as just putting them down. Sometimes the rocks get thrown back on us and we end up having to pick them up again. It sucks when this happens, but we need to make sure that we don’t let these rocks weigh us down to the point where we feel trapped and cannot get out from under them. If this does happen, we need to realize that it is time speak to someone whether it is a trusted friend, a family member, clergy, or counselor. It is okay to do this. It is okay to admit we need help. Asking for help allows us to see our issues from a different perspective and assists us in putting down our rocks.  I would love to hear from people about how they handled a difficult situation and how they were able to finally put their “rocks” down.


Thanks.

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This is an amazing informative article on the future of Spina Bifida. A must read, in my opinion!

https://www.thedailybeast.com/spina-bifida-could-vanish-with-this-experimental-fetal-stem-cell-therapy?source=TDB&via=FB_Page

Assistive Technologies you may find helpful

This past weekend, I attended the Abilities Expo in Edison NJ. While I was there, I had the opportunity to speak with a couple people from an organization called Advancing Opportunities. This is an organization that provides many types of services to disabled people and their caregivers. I was especially impressed with their Technology Lending center. This program allows people to borrow different types of assistive technologies to try out before investing money into something that may or may not be appropriate for their needs or their child's needs. I also asked if other states offer similar services, and they do. I have provided two links below for your convenience, the first one being for my home state of New Jersey and the other for the services offered in other states. I hope you will find this information useful.

http://advopps.org/

http://www.atconnects.com/at-act-programs

https://www.youtube.com/user/assistivetechcenter

See ME!

I am amazed at how rude and disrespectful people can be toward the disabled. Too many times I have heard stories of disabled people who have experience situations like this. Contrary to what some people believe disabled people are not invisible or stupid.  It’s no wonder some of us retreat from going out in public or don’t even consider applying for a job for fear of rejection or disrespect.

While talking to a couple Facebook friends, they were telling me about their jobs. One friend, who has Cerebral Palsy, was treated as if she was not even there some days. She was given less and less responsibility and eventually pushed out of her position. This is someone with a bachelor’s degree.

Another friend, who uses a wheelchair, works for a movie theatre in his area. He’s the guy who rips your ticket in half and directs you to which theater your movie is showing. He tells me all kinds of stories. Some are funny or interesting, while others are a lesson in patience and self - control. He gets talked down to, ignored, disrespected and even tripped over!  People walk right past him without stopping to get their tickets ripped, he gets talked to as if he doesn’t know what he is doing or in a very patronizing manner. And my favorite example he gave, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there.” Seriously? You can’t see a big ‘ol power wheelchair right in front of you?!

I have noticed since the introduction of the Americans with Disabilities Act, people are responding better to the needs of the disabled. More consideration is given when we apply for jobs and with regards to accessibility into areas of the community. But we still have a long way to go to truly be accepted into the non-disabled world as a whole.

I would like to encourage all of you to share your experiences on this topic so we can learn from each other and find ways to handle situations like these in the future. Thanks. 

BREATHE!

            “How do you ever sleep again, once your spouse has suffered a heart attack and is now home with you? I feel so responsible for his wellbeing, now that he is lying here with me… no nurse, no call button no machine monitoring all aspects of wellbeing, no sense of security that a hospital offers. I’m just not sure I will sleep, or as soundly as I’d like. :::sigh:::” ANH

 

What a profound statement. This was the reaction of a friend when her husband came home from the hospital after suffering a heart attack.

When I read this, it really hit me. How do you ever sleep again? In an instant, your whole world has changed forever.

BREATHE!

Sometimes life doesn’t go as we planned. A heart attack, a loss of a loved one, a disability. These can all be devastating. You feel paralyzed Why is this happening? A million thoughts go through your head. What if this happens? What if that happens? How am I going to get through this?

BREATHE!

Take a few minute to just sit and collect your thoughts. Write down what you are thinking. Make a list of questions you have for the medical professionals. Talk to the doctors, the nurses, the therapists. Talk to others who have been through it.  They can give you a been there done that perspective on things. Gather as much information as you can from anywhere you can. You can do this!

BREATHE!

There is a saying, “You never know what you can do unless you have to do it.” You have to find a way to get through this. This is your “new normal”. Create a support system to lean on and use it. You will be surprised how many people are willing to help. Things will be okay. You got this.

 

                                                 BREATHE!                                                

In my case, I was born in 1966. My mother was 43 and my father was 46. This was considered old to have a baby at the time. My father was mad at himself because he didn’t think that my mother needed to be pregnant at the time. My mother was concerned about her own health and my health as well.

For one of my college classes, I had to write an autobiography. This was a great experience for me. Being the youngest of five ranging in age from birth to twenty - three at the time I was born, I was able to get insight from them, as well as my parents.

My two older siblings were in seminary and college at the time I was born. My brother in seminary expressed concern for both of my parent wondering how they would be able to handle the pregnancy given our parents ages. When I was born, it was discovered I had Spina Bifida. This was devastating news to my whole family. What now?

BREATH!

At the time of my birth, the medical community was still working on developing treatments for infants born with Spina Bifida. I was born with the normal complications of Spina Bifida, open spine, bowel and bladder incontinence, orthopedic problems. In addition to these issues, I was also born with hydrocephalus (build-up of cerebral spinal fluid in my skull). This issue does not affect every child born with Spina Bifida. 

Things were touch and go for quite a while. I was in pretty bad shape. I had spine surgery almost immediately after I was born, I had a shunt placed in my head to control the hydrocephalus. This had to be replaced a few days after it was placed due to a malfunction. I even stopped breathing once. I was told a member of the medical staff had to perform CPR on me.

Things in life don’t always go as we planned, but there is always a way to get through them. Family, friend, loved ones and of course faith in God will always see you through the dark times. Just step back, take it all in. Things will be okay.

BREATHE!

I followed up with my friend about her husband’s condition. She told me that he has some degree of depression and anxiety. The doctor said this is normal for what he (they) have gone through. She also said that this has been a life altering experience, but they are getting through it. Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday To Me!

Last week was my birthday week and I was very excited. I was turning 50! I always thought 50 was old. When did I get old? AARP here I come! To help me celebrate, several friends and family were planning on taking me out to eat. One friend even threw me a party! Why do celebrations always have to involve food? Normally, I am up for putting on the feed bag and stuffing my face. I guess that explains how I got to Weight Watchers, huh? This should be interesting.

Pizza, Chinese/sushi buffet, party, Mexican. How was I going to eat, I mean get through this week and stay on track with Weight Watchers? I decided I was not going to worry about my weight this week, but how? How could not worry about it, eat what I wanted, but not totally sabotage my weight loss efforts? I was going to have to dig deep for this one! Real deep. Time to pull everything I had learned from Weight Watchers. I could do this. It was just going to take some strategizing and major willpower. I was going to enjoy myself, but use what I learned about portion control and good choices.

Counting points really wasn’t an option during my birthday week because of the variety of foods, so I was going to have to use other techniques.

·        Eat something lower in calories before I went out. That way I wouldn’t scarf down everything in sight.  I’ve done that before. It was not a pretty sight.

·         Drink some water. This would fill my stomach to keep me from pigging out.

·         Making smarter food choices.  Healthier choices, healthier me. J

·        Use portion control This would be a good idea too.

The question is, could I actually stick to all of this?

And so it began. The first birthday meal came - Pizza. The friend I was going out with is also on Weight Watchers, so we decided together to go with their seafood pizza. We justified the seafood pizza by saying it was healthier than a greasy meat pizza. So what if it had Alfredo sauce on it. That didn’t count. Right? We also ordered a seafood salad with a light dressing. We both love seafood, so this worked well for both of us. It was delicious. One day down.

Second, Chinese/sushi buffet. This was not as easy as the pizza because it was all very good and so many choices. I decided to have what I wanted, and limit the portions. To celebrate my birthday, they brought out three little pieces of cake with a candle and sang happy birthday to me. I couldn’t leave the bite sized pieces of cake there. That would have been rude! J

 Then we decided we wanted ice cream. Again, I went for it. Vanilla, honey, ginger flavored.  I only got one dip and took my time eating it.  It was well worth it. Second day down.

The third outing was Chili’s. I looked at the menu online ahead of time and decide to have their fish and shrimp tacos. They were very good. I had some chips and salsa too. Water to drink. Oh, the sacrifices I make for Weight Watchers. Sigh…

And finally, The Dinner Party! I went over early to help with food prep and set up. While we were out getting last minute things for the party, we got small tuna subs for lunch to tide us over til dinner time. We didn’t even get chips!

Since I knew about the party ahead of time, my friend and I planned the menu together, and it ended up being mostly gluten free, which was going to help keep the carbs down, too. A few of the items were single servings, so that helped with portion control.

The Menu
Appetizers: glazed bacon, grilled asparagus, cheeses & crackers
1st course: baked shrimp
2nd course: Caprese salad
Main course: peach & Riesling glazed ham, sesame ginger chicken & pineapple kabobs, fresh green beans, potato salad, and cornbread

Dessert: Irish Cream Chocolate Mousse. They called it Jim’s Grave Dirt, (gummy) worms and a song included! Thanks, guys! LOL

Drinks: Pam’s Sangria, Malbec wine, sweet tea and water.

Dessert: Irish Creme Chocolate Mousse
Drinks: Pam's Sangria, Malbec, sweet tea, aYeah, my friend likes to really bring it! Everything was amazing. I can still taste the mousse!

The next week came. The day of reckoning had was upon me.

Weigh in Day!

I stepped on the scale. Moments later…. 3.8 pounds down!

What?

 I had to ask again to be sure. It was true. I was down 3.8 pounds after my birthday week! How did that happen?  Apparently the smarter choices when possible, portion control, and going to the gym in between all worked. Yes!

So, there it was. My birthday week was over. I was able to eat what I wanted, with a little sacrificing. I was able to navigate my way through some weight loss obstacles and I lost more than I thought I would. Happy birthday to me!  

I hope that this will be encouraging to others on their weight loss journeys. There will be challenges along the way, but with some planning, you can get through it.

 
Dessert: Irish Creme Chocolate Mousse
Drinks: Pam's Sangria, Malbec, sweet tea, and water

 

 

 

 

Dessert: Irish Creme Chocolate Mousse
Drinks: Pam's Sangria, Malbec, sweet tea, and water

Dessert: Irish Creme Chocolate Mousse
Drinks: Pam's Sangria, Malbec, sweet tea, and water
Dessert: Irish Creme Chocolate Mousse
Drinks: Pam's Sangria, Malbec, sweet tea, and water

 

 

Im Gonna Lose It! 0.2

0.2? I only lost 0.2? What happened? I went to the gym three days this week, I ate well. Well, kinda. Okay, maybe not so well. I’m still mad.

This week’s meeting theme was perfect for me. “Only.”  We talked about how even the slightest loss or gain can affect us. If we gained or lost just a little, sometimes we are disappointed. Especially if we had been steadily losing more. What we need to remember is that this will happen sometimes. Our bodies reach occasional plateaus when losing weight. This is our bodies going through an adjustment. Once this adjustment takes place, we will start losing again. We might have to adjust our eating or our exercising, but it will eventually start coming off again.

Although I paid attention to what was being said and I understood it, the minimal weight loss still bothered me.

When I got home I complained about it to my roommate and on Facebook - Underlined words, exclamation points, even a few expletives. My roommate and the people I talked to were all very supportive. They tried to help me see that although it wasn’t a lot, it was still a loss. Also, the scale might not be moving, but my waistline is. I have had to start wearing a belt again and I can no longer rest my arms on my gut!  J

A week has gone by. The day of reckoning has come. Weigh in day was here! Did I do it? Did I lose the 0.2 pounds? YES! I did. In fact, I lost MORE than 0.2. I lost 1.4.

Be patient with your weight loss. It will happen if you stick to it. As I said before, you didn’t gain it overnight it’s not going to come off overnight. Stick with it. It will happen. I would love to hear your comment and how you are managing your weight loss.

 

I Am Going To Lose It!

Many people with physical disabilities struggle with their weight. I am no exception. I have used every excuse in the book when it comes to not exercising or eating right. “I’m tired,” “I ache,” “Four pieces of pizza isn’t that much.” These excuses have led me to become very lazy.

I am not able to walk long distances, and I can’t stand for very long without having to hold on to or lean on something. I use a wheelchair for distances. Recently, I took notice of how winded, tired and sore I have become just from doing simple tasks. I came to the conclusion that this is from not taking care of myself. So, I made up my mind, to get off my butt and do something about it.

      Years ago, I felt the same way I do now, and I decided to join Weight Watchers. It worked before, but would it work again? I decided to give it another shot. I joined Weight Watchers.

 At the meeting yesterday, they talked about taking care of yourself in every way, not just physically.  Eating sensibly and exercising are part of it, yes, but you also have to take time for yourself in other ways. Take time to do something that you enjoy, whether it be reading a book, going for a walk or watching a movie. All this can help you maintain a healthy balance in your life, but let's face it, sometimes, it aint happenin! We all have busy lives, or sometimes we don't feel like it, or the disabilities sometimes that gets in the way. We've all been there at one time or another.

Taking all this into account, I am going to try to do this. I know it won’t be easy. I know I will not accomplish all of this at once. I didn’t get this way over night and I am not going to fix it overnight. It is going to take time. I am going to put the recommendation in to practice as best as I can, and see what happens. Who’s with me? I would love to read your feedback!

 

 

 

 

Journey to Independence

     Being able to stand up for ourselves and gain some sense of independence can be very difficult, especially for those of us with disabilities. Personal care issues, living arrangements, limited income, or a combination of these can all be reasons for not being able to obtain full independence.
     When I’ve talked to friends on Facebook about their experiences on this issue, some said that their parents, for whatever reason were unwilling to teach them how to do things such as cooking, cleaning and laundry. This has got to be very frustrating for someone who is willing and capable of doing at least some of these household chores on their own. This is not doing them any favors. Being able to do at least some things independently allows us to feel some sense of accomplishment and pride.
    
     In my case, I was unable to live on my own mainly because of insufficient income. Although I was unable to live independently, my parents taught me how to be as independent as possible.  I was taught how to manage my personal needs independently. My father taught me how to fix certain things and how to do basic household maintenance, while my mom taught me how to cook, do laundry, AND although I don’t like to do it, she also taught how to CLEAN. J L Lol.
                       
     Another example of how to gain independence is being able to stick up for yourself. A young man who I am friends with on Facebook is living in a nursing home due to circumstances out of his control. He told me how much he HATES living there. Seriously, who wouldn’t? In a nursing home, your ability to be independent is basically non-existent.  You are expected to get up at a certain time, eat at a certain time and in some cases you receive therapies. I won’t even go there about how difficult it is to sleep in those places. UGH!

     I asked if he had ever thought about talking to the social worker where he lives about assisted living facilities in his area. I thought that might be a better living arrangement for someone his age and level of ability and desire for independence. To help him out, I looked online and found places near him that offered more independent living arrangements.

     Standing up for yourself can be difficult, especially when it comes to your parents or other close family members or caregivers. You don’t want to seem unappreciative, but you want to be given the chance to prove you can do things for yourself. Do your homework. Find information to back up what you want to say and do. But most importantly, know that this is not going to be easy on anyone. You want your independence, but your parents will most likely be apprehensive because they want to protect you and take care of you. Here are a few links to get you started. J

Housing – http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/program_offices/fair_housing_equal_opp/disabilities/inhousing

Schooling- http://www.bing.com/search?q:vocational+rehabilitation+services&qs=AS&pq=vocational+rehab&sc=8-16&sp=1&cvid=487D850E87F4D5AB2048A43FC65A378&form+QBRE

IEPs, 504 plan-
http://understandingspecialeducation.com/

Americans with Disabilities Act

http://www.ada.gov
  

My Academic Rocks

In my previous post, I talked about how we all tend to let “rocks” weigh us down and I gave an example of how we can get rid of these rocks.  In addition to rocks that anyone can have, people with disabilities have their own set of rocks. These rocks can be brought on by our disabilities (not being able to do certain things others can), thrown at us by others (being ridiculed because of our short comings), or they can even be self -imposed (having a defeatist attitude). We can let them weigh us down, or we can acknowledge them and then find ways to put them down and live our lives. In this post I am going to talk about The academic rock I have been carrying around and how Im dealing with it.

Soon after I decided to go back to college, I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in a while. I told her that I was planning on going back to college after a very long break. Let’s just say she less than supportive. This temporarily got to me. Was she right? Was I going to fail or at least give up again?  NO! I decided right then and there that I was going to prove her wrong.  She will probably have forgotten what she said by then, but I plan on sending her a graduation announcement to let her know I did it!

Not long after this conversation I met with the Disabilities Coordinator at the college and told him about my past at the college. He was surprised that I have been attending the college off and on since the late 1980s.  I jokingly said, yeah, my family might have to accept my degree posthumously, but I would get it!

During our meeting, I told him about how I have had major difficulties throughout my life where academics are concerned and how they are rocks or better yet, my boulders! I said I have always had problems with reading comprehension, organizational skills, and especially math and that because of these issues, I have developed a defeatist attitude, and yes, I have also become just plain lazy at times.

After I told him about my issues, we worked on strategies to try to develop more effective study skills including:  limiting the amount of classes so I can concentrate better, learning how to take better notes, and not procrastinate as much as I have in the past, AND ways to avoid distractions such as Facebook! Lol.

Although I am on academic probation again due to my nemesis, MATH, I am working on ways to become more successful the next time I attempt a math class. In the meantime, I am taking classes that I know I will be more successful in. By doing this, I am hoping to boost my GPA as well as my self-confidence. This is my way of gradually, yet steadily getting rid of my academic rock.

Different aspects of our disabilities can weigh us down, even alter our lives. We all need to look for ways to lighten our loads and not let other people and things pile on the “rocks”.  If you would like to, please feel free to share your stories of how you dealt with your own set of academic rocks. Thanks!

           

 

 

Put Down Your Rock!

I first posted this to my blog back on December 1, 2015. I had SO many people tell me how much it helped them I was overwhelmed. I would like to share it again for those who may need some encouragement. I hope you all enjoy it and possibly find peace in something you may be struggling with.

Thank you.

As we go through life, regardless of whether we are disabled or not, sometimes things happen that bother us. It could be something someone said to us, the way someone acted toward us, or maybe it was the way someone made us feel.  These things can have a negative effect on us which can be physical, mental or emotional.

 I am pretty good about letting things go and moving on. However, there have been a few things that have bothered me and I just couldn’t let them go no matter how hard I tried. Every time I saw a certain person, or if I am in a similar situation where the incident occurred, it brought back memories of a not so nice time or event in my life.

 A few years ago, I took a very interesting class. One day our teacher asked us to bring in a rock with us to our next class, but wouldn’t tell us why.

The next day, although I was somewhat confused and yet intrigued as to why we needed these rocks for class, I went out in my yard in search of a rock. I found one. It had light, medium and dark gray lines through it. It was somewhat pyramid in shape. It fit in my fisted hand. I liked it.

At the beginning of class the next day, our teacher told us about an experience she had when she attended a Native American ceremony.  The leader of the ceremony asked everyone in attendance to find a rock just as she had asked us to do. Once they had their rocks, they were asked to think of something, someone or an experience they had a hard time dealing with. At the end of the ceremony, the participants were asked to place their rocks in a pile as a symbolic way of leaving their issue behind.  Our teacher wanted us to do the same thing.

 Although I didn’t want to confront this issue, I thought this was a really cool idea and I really got into it. I slept with my rock right next to my pillow so I would see it as soon as I woke up and kept it in my pants pocket during the day so I would feel it pressing against my leg to serve as a constant reminder of the issue I was letting bothering me so badly.

 During the week, I thought a lot about the issue and I tried to analyze why I was letting it bother me so much, how it was effecting my life, and what I could do to handle it better. Being reminded of the issue by the rock constantly pressing against my leg, I was able to realize that the issue really wasn’t that big of a deal. I needed to put down the “rock” and move on. It wasn’t worth it. Once I came to this realization, a huge weight was lifted off of me.

Sometimes the “rocks” that we carry with us feel more like boulders and letting go isn’t as simple as just putting them down. Sometimes the rocks get thrown back on us and we end up having to pick them up again. It sucks when this happens, but we need to make sure that we don’t let these rocks weigh us down to the point where we feel trapped and cannot get out from under them. If this does happen, we need to realize that it is time speak to someone whether it is a trusted friend, a family member, clergy, or counselor. It is okay to do this. It is okay to admit we need help. Asking for help allows us to see our issues from a different perspective and assists us in putting down our rocks.  I would love to hear from people about how they handled a difficult situation and how they were able to finally put their “rocks” down.


Thanks.

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